$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
