he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
