I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
