Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So squirting runs in the family.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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