i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i've created a new STD.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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