I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
