no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
