I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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