So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
