Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
