Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
