Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
