what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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