My liver just broke up with me...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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