we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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