I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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