Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
