I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
