he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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