Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
