wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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