where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
