she woke up with a sticky ear
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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