Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
