Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
