Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
