That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
