If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
