i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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