oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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