Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
