Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
