So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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