It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
