So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
