I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
