I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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