im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
