I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
