I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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