mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
