Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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