are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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