She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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