If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
