Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
