I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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