Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
