didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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