you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
