if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
