Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
