so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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